So This Is Christmas...

What an interesting wrap up for this year. My best friend Jasiri died in December and we funeralized him 12/17. My grandmother dies the following week and we opted to hold of the funeral until after Christmas. You know.. for the children of course. Wouldn't want to scar them

Following Black Friday I love my job after being told simply, "It just wasn't working.. you know with sales and all.. this is just nothing personal you know.. stop by any time.." Newly unemployed, I had to bartend at a corporate Christmas party to make a little money to keep the lights on.

Christmas was always my favorite time of year.. I loved the decorations, the music, the gatherings.. just being around gleeful people but really cannot remember a merry Christmas in recent history. Each year for about the past 10 years has been marred by moving, loneliness, divorce, depression, recession, or any combination of the aforementioned.

This year I sent out about 12 Christmas cards, I bought (and received) zero gifts, I didn't hang not a single ornament, and I slept until nearly noon Christmas morning? How does one restore the joy of Christmas?

Try Seeing Yourself As Others Do

Growing up I was always warned about judging books by their covers. My mother constantly chastised me about making assumptions, jumping to conclusions, an writing people off. I appreciated that guidance but over the years have had to make adjustments. As naturally skeptical as I am, I get lied to a lot. Not outright lies, but those subtle misrepresentations. Those "I lied because I wanted you to like me," kind of lies.

I've learned in my old age that often the cover is a pretty good representation of what you'll find inside. Publishers often devote more time and resources to the art direction of a cover than to the editing of the actual content of books. They realize that the cover is what draws people in or in other cases cases them away. At any rate, it gives a pretty apt representation of what's to come.

Many of you know I've returned to the retail world [briefly.] I was at work the night before Halloween kinda counting down until it was time for me to go when this "young lady" walked into my store. I immediately, internally, drew several conclusions. After less then a minute, i deduced that she couldn't be older than 20, that she was from somewhere in North Georgia, that she was "country ghetto," and that she was as somehow in the sex industry.

She entered the store on her cell phone (which is not abnormal) talking unnecessarily loud. She was yelling at someone with this unmistakably "Georgia Mountains" twang of an accent but there was this Shaniqua attitude attached to it. As she spoke, her hand was going in every direction as though that somehow helped to get her point across to the party on the other end of her phone. She ended each phrase with, "or whatever,' or 'and what not." I didn't know whether to be offended, annoyed, or just laugh.

This went on for about :15. After :5 or so she'd abruptly end the call by slamming her flip phone shut and yelling some expletive like this person was putting her out in some way. Finally she addressed me. She explained that, "[she] had never been in my store, or what not, but that she'd wanted to get her husband something nice for Christmas." As any good sales person would, I began to ask questions and show her what options we had. She volunteered that she and her husband would be celebrating their first Christmas together and that she wanted to get him something nice. "He's an older gentleman... he's 33 or what not, so I want to get him something old school that he would like."

Apparently 33 is now old. I couldn't hold back my laughter, but I figured she's used to being laughed at as she was unscathed and never broke her "Chiquita meets Shania Twain" persona. After aimless wondering around my store for nearly :30 I offered her a catalog to take with her. She thanked me and then began to flip through it. She would turn to and decided on a $3400 shaving set. When I told her the price, I expected the usual, "that's too expensive" response. She casually offered that she was a stripper and that money was no object. My nonchalant, "okay," even surprised me.

As I continued to try and usher her out the door, she turned to me and asked, "how much is the book?" All I could say was baby, it's a catalog and it's free.

I told that little story to illustrate how important it is to see ourselves as others may. As soon as that girl walked in my store I said to myself, she's either a stripper or a prostitute. I don't know of a single woman who wants to come off like a stripper... even the ones who are. People often see us for exactly who and what we are, even when we choose not to. Be sure that your cover is a true representation of your content.

Get Over It Already..

I find it interesting how wounds often have this strange ability to develop their own soul. We're afraid to get over "it" as though it has feelings. If we stop thinking about it, crying about it, or limiting ourselves because of it, then it will cease to exist. People are just programed to hold grudges. I was talking to a buddy of mine last week ... you know those hypothetical "whoa is me discussions" and I basically had to slap myself upside the head.  

Why hold on? I mean we hold onto things soo long that we really are over it. We hold on because if we let go we'll miss the pain, or the embarrassment, or the hurt, or the loneliness. It's wild. Getting over it, or them, or then would mean letting that thing die.

Grudges are like that mole that you should have gotten removed because it scares children but you didn't and eventually just got used to it being there. I'm trying to let somethings die but I'm afraid I'll miss them.

Let's All Be Mavericks!

I'll be honest.. a month ago I had never head the word Maverick used.. well except when discussing basketball and lord knows that team is rarely discussed outside of Dallas.  Now it seems like the word, whether used as a noun, adjective, or verb is a part of everyday vernacular.  

McCain, Palin, and the GOP have done an amazing job of steering voters away from the issues to focus on their own Maverickness.  I don't know about you but I am happy to know that ever every day Joe Six Packs can be Mavericks.

I bet marketing professors and practitioners alike are hard thinking about this Maverick nonsense and gay marriage.  We're all so busy trying to figure out what a Maverick is that we're no longer discussing those less important issues like our failing economy, the housing market, war, racism, and overall lack.

McCain/Palin's Marketing team really earned their bonuses this month. 

The Tyler Perry Effect..

It seems like recently the biggest "no, no" in Black America is to have anything but laughs and good words for Tyler Perry and his creations.  The House of Payne and his movies and plays such as Madea Goes to Jail, Madea's Family Reunion, The Making of 'Diary', and Diary of a Mad Black Woman are simply not interesting to me.  Each and every production is an adaptation of it's predecessor.  It's as if everything he's done is yet another sequel.  In a society where black men and women are some of the most homophobic (and outspoken about this) people around it's ironic that we derive soo much entertainment from a big black man in drag.  I mean that dude is huge.. it's kinda scary.  

 I would say my criticisms are normal.  What person doesn't have preferences when it comes to entertainment?  Some like scary movies, some prefer romances and other prefer those teenie bopper college/high school comedies.  I feel that Perry's movies focus on Black lack, characters with an inability to manage their emotions, and an overemphasis on money and labels.  I'm tired of watching movies about mistreated struggling black mothers standing around in the kitchen reprising old Kirk Franklin albums and praying an crying; praying and crying.  I just am tired of hearing/seeing the story.  Personal Preferences.  I cannot understand why some black people act as though a black person not having an interest is some type of affront to everyone else.  Folks.. they're just make believe.  

As an artist and a writer, I am not impressed with Perry.  I think he got lucky.  He's putting something out there that Black folks want to see.. and that is almost exclusively who is audience is.. Black folk.  I just couldn't see him writing anything else or having the ability to leave this genre he's created for himself.  I am planning to see a movie he's in soon... Start Trek 11 where he'll be playing the Commandant of the Academy!  At least then he'll be relegated to resighting lines and not writing anything!

Matt Damon For President!

I've always been fascinated how we deify our celebrities in America.  Celebrities often go from being hostesses a the Waffle House to multimillionaires in a matter of months.  Someone that money elevates and underwrites the validity of their opinions.  Suddenly they become authorities on world relief efforts, foreign and domestic policy, etc.  Funniness.. Check out Matt Damon below.. he's saying a lot of things that we all wish we had the money to afford the soap box to stand on and be heard.  

Finding Your Center

I was a really strange kid.  Looking at me, you saw a short, stocky, yellow kid but listening to me was like being a fly on the wall at "the" Black Barber shop down the street from capital hill.  I recall how proud yet uncomfortable I would make my parents as I bought up topics that were either not ready to address with their three sons, or not planning to address at all.  Race was seldom discussed in our home.  We knew we were colored but somehow we were so much more focused on the essence of that state of being colored that we had little time to wallow in the sorrow that is often not too far behind that same state of being colored.

I appreciate the objectivity that captivated my childhood.  I was taught to look for and focus on similarities and to draw connections.  As I searched for our commonalities, my focus was primarily on the positive.  All too often we are drawn to each other because of our common struggle as though recognize the common stench of oppression, or misogyny, or hate.  I guess I grew up embracing my differences and recognizing the value that those difference bought to every situation, every conversation, every interchange, and every conflict.  My dissenting opinion, my divergent outlook, and my ability to divest myself from emotionalism and be objective, in my opinion, has been a gift.

Like so many African Americans I wasn't raised by my parents.  Yeah, they were there.. but they almost operated like moderators.. editors at best.  I was raised by NPR and books.  I developed this love for the two; their ability to inform or to invite one to react based on what one's heard or what one's read.  An opinion, and understanding, a view, a biased based on the facts irrespective of color, socioeconomic status, religious affiliation (or non-affiliation), or involuntary preconceptions.  I developed this love for SciFi and Fantasy. From Green Woman to Fraggles I never gave any thought to why the Smurfs were Blue or why the little Lego people were Yellow.  When placed in real world situations or conversations, I had the unique ability to focus solely on the "what" and completely ignore the irrelevance of "who." 

As I grow my desire is to encourage people to evaluate and define their center.  Similar to this idea of success, it's important to define individualized, achievable goals that focus on today going forward without focusing on what was.  I speak to so many young men and woman, particularly of color, who are so paralyzed by racism, actual and perceived, they've decided against trying as they believe success to be impossible.  As a black man, if I think of my success as being relative to what White America will allow me, this presupposes that White folk sit around their dinner tables plotting my failures and weighing their success against my failures as if to say that a victory for me is a setback for them.  Realistically that family exist but I'm sure most of White America doesn't think of themselves as any less middle class or their degrees any less valid because I'm college and Barack is on his way to the White House. 

The feelings of disenfranchisement are strong.  To grow up feeling as though you will never.... because of your race, sex, ethnicity, complexion, etc. is unconscionable.  In order for our country to grow, everyone is going to have to give up a little.  Whites will have to let go of preconceptions and prejudices, and Blacks will have to (and I hate to oversimplify this) forgive and forget.  The one commonality that all people of color have in common is that feeling of inadequacy.  It's really hard to constructively articulate the feeling but I've started referring to it as "our common cousin."  It's interesting how "the wound" has this ability to take on it's own soul.   

Internal Relations

It's most interesting how racism, even in the days of "Obama," exist so strongly in these United States. More alarming is the level that it exist with our own community. Within the diaspora black folks spend so much time trying to be separate, unique, and exclusive while all along continuing to perpetuate a template to the rest of the world. Haitians, African Americans, Africans, South Africans, Ethiopians, Egyptians, Jamaicans, Trinidadian--BLACK FOLK.

In our effort to be sooo different, we gone to war alone and having no idea how our segmentation hinders growth, stifles our collective voice, and perpetuates generational marginalization on all fronts. Just some thoughts... Aaron, when is Boondocks coming back??

Currently Reading:
The Yellow Wall-Paper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman

The GOP National Convention

Country First- Service, Reform, Prosperity, Peace

Prosperity for whom?

If I say nothing more about the Republic National Convention, I can most defiantly note that EVERYONE stuck to the script.. Apparently the Republican Party is committed to America First and Foremost! With each speaker, with each anecdote, with each commentary there is this recurring theme of the Republican party, namely John McCain's, commitment to America as compared to Barack Obama and the Democratic Party. Service is so much more than chairing $1000 per plate fundraisers and flying over to Iraq to assess the damage. Service involves getting ones hands dirty. Domestically. Reform is recognizing that everyone won't have the opportunity to attend Harvard or charter a private jet, but their contribution is worthwhile.

I find it interesting that a party so committed to this country could be so deliberately ignorant about the common man. I spent most of my night reading up on "old money." American businessmen and their multiple wives, gaggles of children, and generations of heiresses and heir who are the face of MTV, US weekly, and TMZ.com. It's ironic how as these families have progress through the generations, everyone has forgotten the source of where all these rich people's money. Bootleggers, slave owners, thieves, dishonest politicians, whore mongers, pimps, gangsters, etc... but now all of that money has been laundered into respectable media conglomerates, manufacturers, distribution companies, and defense contractors. The irony lies in the fact that these men and woman who lied, cheated, oppressed the minority, while hiding behind robes and hoods are the same men and woman that we have foolishly elected into public office for generations.

There is no greater dichotomy than the American government. The same men and women who are entrusted to regulate and police industry are the same people who own and operate the business they're charged to regulate. Our entire seat of government is held by millionaires, investment bankers, and heirs to family fortunes.

....So we wonder why welfare, food stamps, and section 8 leaves such a bad taste Republicans mouths?? It's not because they believe in small government or personal responsibility.. it's because they cannot see past the Harvard Legacy Status or their multiple estates to realise that America's working poor work for their companies. They same legislatures who were tasked with improving low income or high risk schools opted to invest in cobblestone sidewalks and new city scape's for their neighborhoods than to invest in areas populated by minorities.

One of the most profound statements I took awake from the campaign was Mike Huckabee's comment about "the shameful evil of racism." While I actually like Huckabee, I think he has really shown us the evils of partisan. The republican party has worked feverishly to continue the institutionalised oppression of minorities in order to maintain the status quot. I find it unfortunate that they're unaware that we've turned the channel from BET and are, now, very aware of what's really going on. Like Huckabee, I don't want the government to take care of me; I don't want to be broke all my life.. I guess I'll submit my application to the Republican Party once I pay off these $50 thousand in student loans, earn my first million, marry and have 2.5 children. Look at George & Barbara.. they're the face of the American Dream right??

Living Free & Clear from Impact Church

Living Free and Clear from Impact Church on Vimeo.

Men & Their Sports...

Am I the only one who's been party to one of the long drawn out manly man conversations where the guys get together and talk sports?? I seem to be the only one who audibly laughs as each guy trys to out do the other with his display of random sports facts and random tidbits amid grunts, yells, and pats on the ass... Funny stuff.. true comedy. Who knows where it starts.. a sports mobile above the crib, a Fisher Price plush football, or damn sports video games.

From a young age I was made to understand that boys play sports. Period. Real men either played sports, or "faked" this obsession with them. These gender normatives follow us into adulthood and greatly affect our relationships with our kids. If you're the guy with the All American Quarterback Kid who gets a full ride to UCLA to play football, great for you. Hmm... what happens if your kid is into geology and decides to start a rock collecting club or directs his high schools fashion show? Then what? Hmm.. My 20 year old brother recently had twins--a boy and a girl--and is already planning out their lives in the NBA and WNBA, respectively. Unfortunately this is despite their wishes and is solely based upon his wants. He specifically articulated that he'd be upset otherwise.. Very similar attitudes to our father. Funny thing is my brother didn't play sports in high school and neither did our father.. Funny how our dreams for our kids can often stunt their futures.

Sports are just OK to me. I don't love them, I don't hate them. I don't pretend to know everyones stats and all that jazz. Sports are like crack.. those who are into it feel this need to force it on everyone else.. As good as I'm sure it is, I'll pass. I'd encourage you all to check your parents yearbook and I'm sure most of you won't find your fathers in the football team picture either. Chances are my mom knows more about sports than most men I know!

...with a greatful heart!

Not sure what I'm going through tonight but I'm trying to give thanks for what I have despite what I don't. It's increasingly difficult to look past our lack and give thanks for what we have.. lonely I guess... ::sigh:: LOL

Aaron McGruder's Nightline Interview

I am so sad that the Boondocks comic strip is no more. In a nation saturated by reality shows and articles about Brittany Spears coochie, it was that ram in the bush that we needed!



I love the fact that he's speaking truth without apology and without fear of reprisal. Poverty is poverty and unfortunately there are far more people in this country experiencing extreme lack then popular culture would like us to believe. Most of us are not living the carefree life of Paris Hilton. This manufactured outrage is laughable. Who's offended by Boondocks?? Often, we need to be offended so we say enough it enough and start brainstorming solutions.

Please Complete Me..

As I continue on my journey to complete, authentic, and unrelenting happiness I had a conversation with a buddy today that got me to thinking about the mistakes we makes with regards to happiness. He recently reconciled with is girlfriend after working through some of their issues and while things should be okay as they enjoy their new rekindled "post lust/pre-love", she's still not happy. It's nothing he's done or not done to cause this, she's just unhappy.

Happiness is the only thing in life that is completely self defined. Stupid is stupid. More or less, ugly is ugly. Happiness is the only state where there are no absolute presets. I've been there.. I could never actualize happiness because I always thought it would come when I lost the weight. Then I though it would come when I gained it back! I thought it would come after I bought the new cloths, but sadly I couldn't quite pull off the look. I thought happiness would come with the relationship, with the degree, with the care, with the friend, or even by way of a microphone and a state. Sadly, it didn't. With each level of graduation, the bar was only raised. I decided I wasn't go to be that guy who works my whole life to get "stuff"--whatever stuff may be for you- -and then drop dead the day after I finally get it.

Ironically, we expect those around us to complete us. Sadly, often that expectation is not reciprocated as we live to force our habits, idiosyncrasies, insecurities, past, and personalities down others' throats while we expect those around us to be the "perfect...."

-Roderick Griner, July 2008

Love, things, people, places, etc.. cannot make you happy. Didn't work for me. Things are great. People are cool too. Love is the best.. but they only serve to supplement the state you go to on your own. The flip side is, the lose of any of the aforementioned cannot topple you from that state of happiness because they didn't aid in getting you there!

..::Listening to Phoebe Snow: No Regrets::..

Where's All The Good Music Gone? Vol. 2

I discovered this great video of Jazmine Sullivan singing "IN Love with Another Man" today. Listen to this girl belt this song with little more than a keyboard to accompany her! She can sing like this and you can still only find her music on Youtube and through various peer2peer sharing sites. Funny thing is I was in Target yesterday and they had a whole freaking wall of that trick Ashantie! All I can say is she must give bomb head cause she surely isn't a singer.

Be Strong My Friend

Hey Peeps... been a lil down and stuff but how many know that God is! Check out my girl Chantae Cann singing Be Strong. Enjoy her voice, but listen to the words.. they'll bless you.

Ok, So now what George W.?

Do you remember when they first started talking recession? Fox News and Republicans everywhere passed the warnings off as alarmist speculation. Just months later people are actually celebrating that gas prices have dropped to $3.87. Seriously? For the first time in my lifetime, everyone is broke. Blacks & Whites, College Grads & GED holders, Young & Old. Everyone is feeling the pinch. Well everyone except our leaders. We live in the most dichotomous governmental system that exist. We rely on wealthy, Yale educated elitists to make the decisions that affect people who will never have enough to eat, never make enough to keep things turned on, and will never know excess or extravagance. We have a system of government where regular people cannot be success. Look at Hillary. Obviously you cannot run for office unless you have 5 or so million dollars sitting around to subsidize a campaign that started out failing. Sorry Hill.. that was mean. Oh I digress...

I've been unemployed since mid June. Lost my job because they needed to cut a position and I was too smart. No, I'm not puffing my head up.. they told me I was too smart. The irony is we're raised to shoot for the stars. "Do well in school" they tell us and all things will be at your disposal. Not so. Mediocrity will keep you employed while ambition scares folks. I was at the unemployment office today to get a letter to send to my student loans guarantors to show that I am in fact unemployed. The woman working at the Department of Labor, who looked at least 40, told me that she has an "economic hardship" deferment of her loans. Imagine that.. the people at the state unemployment office are a paycheck away from being other side of the counter. On Monday I went to the Department of Families and Children to see if I could qualify for any other type of assistance. Shit.. I pay taxes, why not.. I read my entire Newsweek while waiting. The whole thing! Advertisements and all. Can I just throw in her that government office are organized confusion?? Jesus Christ. Who the hell is in charge?? Well I finally go into see a counselor who after looking at all my past due bills and then looking at my weekly unemployment benefits and told me I made too much money to get ANY assistance. Unemployed, I make too much money! This bitch had the audacity to tell me she works at the office and is on food stamps. Ain't that some shit?? Our system is set up to sustain functional poverty. A culture of working poor. Am I the only one who thinks things are broken?

...Reality is what they need.

Sometimes I feel like Disney is responsible for everything we see on TV, and everything we experience a the movies. I understand that these mediums are based in make believe but must of it is down right fantasy. I think that TV shows like Friends and Martin are very apt examples of real life. White people with White people and Black People. It almost seems like there is this new formula for TV shows... you have to have your overly horny Black guy, your angry Black woman, a ditsy White girl, a gay, and either a White or Asian "all American" athletic type. In this fantasy world, everyone gets along, nothing offends anyone, and somehow everyone fully understands the respective experiences of the other characters no matter how diverse their stories. In a perfect world this would be great, but unfortunately it is not a realistic characterisation of how we really interact. It is so much easier to tell the story this way than to open a dialogue about the fact that we all are fearful of what is different. If each group new the conversations that the others were having about them when it's "just us."

I'm sitting here watching the movie, The Fighting Temptations. I cannot get over the opening scene. The setting is an old school Baptist church featuring an energetic church choir led by Pastor Shirley Cesar. The time seems like As the camera pans the congregation... everyone in the church is IN. Folks are shouting, dancing, falling out, etc. Funny stuff... The funniest part is the church congregation is more mixed than any church I've been in.. and I grew up Methodist and went to Catholic School! Interracial couples, White men, women and children, Asians, and blacks... as though this naturally occurs. The only thing there were missing was the gay! But lets be real, it was a Black church! Don't get me wrong. I love the idealism of tinsel town but I'd rather we tell the story as it is and force people to admit to and work through their fear of what's unknown.

Today Is Jamaican Independence Day

Today I'm celebrating Jamaican Emancipation and Independence Day. The official holiday is August 6th but it is celebrated the first Monday of every August. The flag and it's colors have become so cliche to American's but they surely mean something to my kin folk! The Jamaica National Flag was first raised on Independence Day, August 6, 1962. It signifies the birth of our nation.

..::Listening to The Jamaican National Anthem::..

Listen the Anthem

Jamaican National Anthem

Eternal Father, Bless our Land,
Guide us with thy mighty hand,
Keep us free from evil powers,
Be our light through countless hours,
To our leaders, great defender,
Grant true wisdom from above,
Justice, truth be ours forever,
Jamaica, land we love,
Jamaica, Jamaica, Jamaica, land we love

Teach us true respect for all,
Stir response to duty's call,
Strengthen us the weak to cherish,
Give us vision lest we perish,
Knowledge send us Heavenly Father,
Grant true wisdom from above,
Justice, truth be ours forever,
Jamaica, land we love,
Jamaica, Jamaica, Jamaica, land we love.

Words by Hugh Sherlock, music by Robert Lightbourne

...Nothin' Goin On But the Rent

I celebrated a first today... well a celebrations of sorts. My phone was disconnected today fort he first time in my life. I realized something.. this is the first time in nearly a decade that I've gone an hour without sending or receiving a text message. This unemployment thing is not cute. The irony is I am sure all of the companies to which I've applied attempted to call me back today!

Republicans and the wealthy (often they're on in the same) seem to think all is well in this country. NPR did a piece yesterday on thrift shops. They talked about how their clients have change... more and more middle class families are turning to thrift stores for anything and everything as they don't have disposable income for essentials. Goodwill and the Salvation Army also lamented that the quality and quantity of donations have declined. The former haves are holding on to what they have unsure when they'll be able to go shopping again and the have nots are stuck with the rags that are left. All I can do is laugh these days.. I'm curious what's to come.

..::Listening to Donny Hathaway & Roberta Flack - Come Ye Disconsolate::..

What's the Deal With these fitted caps?

I cannot believe that I am just not writing this blog.. what's the deal with guys and girls wearing baseball hats and leaving the original tag and size sticker on it?? ... like is that some kind of rule?? I remember when I was younger I saw this episode of Muffet Babies where Miss Piggy thought she was going to go to jail because she tour the tag off her mattress.. Is it one of those ordeals because if so,I'm sure the "ball cap police" established under the Bush Administration have much better things to do than concern them selves with your hats.

I'm an actual baseball fan. I love the game. I support my hometown team the Baltimore Orioles.. funny thing is it seems like you sticker wearers only support The Boston Red Socks or The New York Yankees... funny thing is I'm sure most guys couldn't name the couch, or one player... y'all probably don't even know when baseball season is! Guess that's why I don't have swag.. I'm in the habit of taking the tags off of things I purchase. You guys probably take them back the next day like girls and prom dresses! My advice is just stoppit.. You look like an idiot to the rest of us.

Life's Undo Button

Sometimes I really wish there was one. For every time I fucked up, put my foot in my mouth, lied, or showed my "inner nerd" I wish I could just go to life's file menu and click undo.. undo.. undo allowing me the opportunity to take that knowledge and use exactly the right line, or laugh at the right joke, or leave some of these situations alone all together.

Many of you are old enough yet just young enough to remember The Elephant Show. This is before Barney and Teletubbies and all that other trash the kids are watching now.. They use to sing these songs about sharing and caring and treating people the way you want to be treated. My dumb ass took it all to heart.. I care what people think. I care how people feel. Damn eighties TV shows. Today a long lost friend that I had stopped talking to contacted me and my initial thought was to simply ignore and delete, ignore and delete. As I started I thought about someone in my life that I had mess up with and figured they were following my formula.. ignore and delete, ignore and delete and decided to respond. I'm sooo idealistic.. lol believing that one good deed will begat another like I'm earning tickets and Chucky Cheese or something.. bullshit.

Sometimes I feel like Carlton from the Fresh Prince... bright eyed, self assured, and a believe in the goodness of people.. I just wants those I love to love me back.. and then to continue that love without reservation.. almost like a parent to a child.. It's so easy to love a cute kid. A straight A student. That kid who's biggest worry is deciding which of the 12 schools they were accepted to and offered full scholarships they want to attend. What about the parent who sees their kid on the news.. who has to pick him up from the Principal's office of bail him out.. again? Good parents love you no matter what dumb shit you do, or how big your nose is, or how much you remind them of what they hate about themselves.

We all seem to want "he without blemish." In the absence of that undo button I'm learning that, that type of love probably doesn't exists otherwise. This scares me.

..::Listening to Only The Lonely By Diana Krall::..

O Brother, Where Art Thou?

I love this movie! My friend Alex turned me onto it... great storyline, awesome music, and great compliment of actors.

Brief Synopsis (from Amazon.com)

Ulysses Everett McGill (George Clooney) escapes the chain gang with two fellow convicts the simple and somewhat slow Delmar (Tim Blake Nelson) and ill-tempered Pete (John Turturro) to pursue the promise of hidden loot stashed in his house that is about to be swept away in a flood. On the way the trio experience a journey filled with hilarious adventure and cast of strange characters starting with a blind prophet who warns them that "the treasure you seek shall not be the treasure you find."

Not only is the movie awesome, the sound track offers a lot of original [performance] period relevant music. Check it out! You music enthusiast who appreciate more than just The Clark Sisters won't be disappointed.

Release Date: December 5, 2000
Label: Buena Vista Pictures

Track Listings

1. Po Lazarus - J. Carter & Prisoners

2. Big Rock Candy Mountain - Harry McLintock

3. You Are My Sunshine - Norman Blake

4. Down In The River To Pray - Alison Krauss

5. I Am A Man Of Constant Sorrow - The Soggy Bottom Boys featuring Dan Tyminski

6. Hard Time Killing Floor Blues - Chris Thomas King

7. Man Of Constant Sorrow (Instrumental) - Norman Blake

8. Keep On The Sunny Side - The Whites

9. I'll Fly Away - Gillian Welch & Alison Krauss

10. Didn't Leave Nobody But The Baby - Gillian Welch, Alison Krauss & Emmylou Harris

11. In The Highways - The Peasall Sisters

12. I Am Weary - The Cox Family

13. I Am A Man Of Constant Sorrow (Instrumental) - John Hartford

14. O Death - Ralph Stanley

15. In The Jailhouse Now - The Soggy Bottom Boys featuring Tim Blake Nelson

16. I Am A Man Of Constant Sorrow (With band) - The Soggy Bottom Boys feat. Dan Tyminski

17. Indian War Whoop (Instrumental) - John Hartford

18. Lonesome Valley - The Fairfield Four

19. Angel Band - The Stanley Brothers ..::Watching: The Soggy Bottom Boys Singing "Oh Brother Where Art Thou"::..