Life's Undo Button

Sometimes I really wish there was one. For every time I fucked up, put my foot in my mouth, lied, or showed my "inner nerd" I wish I could just go to life's file menu and click undo.. undo.. undo allowing me the opportunity to take that knowledge and use exactly the right line, or laugh at the right joke, or leave some of these situations alone all together.

Many of you are old enough yet just young enough to remember The Elephant Show. This is before Barney and Teletubbies and all that other trash the kids are watching now.. They use to sing these songs about sharing and caring and treating people the way you want to be treated. My dumb ass took it all to heart.. I care what people think. I care how people feel. Damn eighties TV shows. Today a long lost friend that I had stopped talking to contacted me and my initial thought was to simply ignore and delete, ignore and delete. As I started I thought about someone in my life that I had mess up with and figured they were following my formula.. ignore and delete, ignore and delete and decided to respond. I'm sooo idealistic.. lol believing that one good deed will begat another like I'm earning tickets and Chucky Cheese or something.. bullshit.

Sometimes I feel like Carlton from the Fresh Prince... bright eyed, self assured, and a believe in the goodness of people.. I just wants those I love to love me back.. and then to continue that love without reservation.. almost like a parent to a child.. It's so easy to love a cute kid. A straight A student. That kid who's biggest worry is deciding which of the 12 schools they were accepted to and offered full scholarships they want to attend. What about the parent who sees their kid on the news.. who has to pick him up from the Principal's office of bail him out.. again? Good parents love you no matter what dumb shit you do, or how big your nose is, or how much you remind them of what they hate about themselves.

We all seem to want "he without blemish." In the absence of that undo button I'm learning that, that type of love probably doesn't exists otherwise. This scares me.

..::Listening to Only The Lonely By Diana Krall::..