Why Should I Forgive You?

I've always looked at forgiveness from the victims standpoint. You're wrong and then you're expected to be the bigger person who forgives and forgets and welcomes the wrong doer back with open arms. One who refuses to do this is immature, bitter, or accused of being too hard... and somehow the victim becomes the villain.

I recently had an experience where someone I cared deeply for pissed me off. Through my venting I aired much more about the situation and surrounding situations I should have repeated. As these things tend to always play out, wouldn't you know that that butt monkey repeated everything I said and the information ended up back with the person initially unbeknownst to me. I wondered why my calls weren't being returned and my text were being ignored only to find out, by accident, that this friend knew everything and hated me because of it. Rather than apologizing and accepting that I did wrong I got really self righteous and ending up getting all emotional and calling names. I made myself the victim.

They were through with me. I later apologized, and apologized, and apologized, and apologized, but my apologies were just words. Empty words. Sincerity means nothing to a brick wall. The realist thing a person can say often is the first thing that comes out of their mouth, not the retrospective thought or those "reactive recovery" statements. Forgiveness is not owed. Forgiveness cannot be requested or, lol demanded. Forgiveness does not even mean "we're good" or "let's start over." Unfortunately, often forgiveness can mean "I'm done." ...this is the other side of forgive and forget.

I never realised it but so many of us are afraid of real people. We steer clear of those who don't fit our carefully designed boxes and we watch those who slip through from time to time like security watches black people at Saks. We're afraid of character flaws and idiosyncrasies. It's so hard to look as a mistake as just that, a mistake. We look at mistakes as viruses that we want to get as far away from their infectious nature fearful of the idea that one will produce another and those will produce another and before you know it, you're thick as thieves before you can get away. Like a habit like nail biting or scratching you balls in public, you're stuck with them. We treat people like Oreck Vacuum Cleaners.. taking on relationships with the understanding that if you’re not completely satisfied products may be returned for a full refund in a postage paid box. Unfortunately people don't come with a no risk to guarantee. Tough love works.

India.Arie singing "Wings of Forgiveness" at the 2007 Pori Jazz Festival in Finland