PSA for the REGULAR GUY.. WTF is Swagger?

Okay people, I must tell you the following comments stem from a conversation that I had with someone I was trying to date. I was told that I lacked swag.. whatever the hell that is. I know that I not totally up on popular culture, but I just want to know when "swag" became the rubric for which everyone.. especially black men.. are judged against. Relationships, jobs, etc.. everyone has to be edgy, trendy, and have this err of "I don't give an F" to be appealing. That's great if you're a VJ on MTV, a professional Reality TV Personality, or a member of the "Atlanta Corp of Background Singers" but for the rest of us that work, not only can we not get away with that.. but how old are you people?

Do Thugs?

1. Wear outfits with rhinestones?
2. Paint their facial hair on?
3. Wear more jewelry then their girlfriends, to include mood rings?
4. Wear Skinny jeans to accentuate their asses?
5. Plan baby showers or weddings?
6. Wear blemish concealing make up?
7. Talk with the "Madea" voice... regularly?
8. Sing Alto with the choir... or sing with the choir at all for that matter...?
9. Spend 2/3rd's of their monthly income on clothing and personal care?
10. Spend the bulk of their evenings watching HGTV?
11. Do they get off the phone so they can put their Crest Whitening Strips in?
12. Do they have recipes to share or a coupon organizer they keep in their glove compartment?
13. Do they save those Bed, Bath, & Beyond Coupons that come in the mail weekly?

I know my background in being a thug is limited but I am going to step out on limb and say no to all of the above. Why is it though that when the "in crowd" decides something is ok, then it is and the rest of us are just supposed to get on bored? In the past week, I've seen at least 5 thugs wearing red pants.. Is cross colors making a come back? I dunno.. y'all need to keep me up to date with this stuff..

People who work have to shave, wear sensible hair styles with natural hair colors. We can't pierce our cheeks, tattoo every square inch of our body, and wear True Religions and Chucks everywhere we go. We can't go to the open mic on a Tuesday and stay till 3 am and then hang out at IHOP until 5 am and then sleep in till 3 pm and do it all against he next day. To be honest, I don't want to be able to. I've never met so many people with no source of income that have so much money to spend and look so fly and see so "together" but quiet as it's kept are calling me to borrow money to keep their cell phone on... hmmm... y'all just keep looking straight ahead and no one will know it's you.

What is Swagger? Well according to the dictionary:

Swagger: swag·gered; swag·ger·ing, swag

1. (noun): an act or instance of swaggering, arrogant or conceitedly self-assured behavior; ostentatious display or bravado.
2. (verb): to conduct oneself in an arrogant or superciliously pompous manner; to walk with an air of overbearing self-confidence
3. (adj.): marked by elegance or showiness
   

ALL desirable traits I'm sure.. My prayer is that we'd grow up and seek real, attainable goals. We have the propensity to chase these dream relationships based upon these rules our 30 years of living have taught us. You know EXACTLY what you want yet somehow when you find them, you can't keep them.. hmm...

1. You want them aggressive but get tired of their constant need to argue.
2. You like their "edge," but are scared to drive with them because you think the car may be stolen.
3. You want them older... but complain when they don't want to go to the club with all the 19 year olds..
4. They have to have great bodies, but your diet consist of Krispy Kremes and Krystals.
5. They have to have great teeth, but neither of you have health insurance because neither of you work a real job.
6. They have to be fine, but they can't quite describe how your head is shaped.
7. You only date light skinned people but they only date light skinned people..
8. You don't want a church boy/girl but somehow want them to understand the principles of fidelity, accountability, trust, etc..
9. They have to be into trendy venues, like you, that serve stuff like sushi and Voss Artesian Water . The only problem is you're allergic to fish and just like to play with the chop sticks and they only eat chicken fingers and drink sprite.
10. At the end of a month, you two break up and they wonder "what went wrong." All along you realise that they were just like the 5 previous failed relationships.

I guess this whole blog has been an appeal for the regular guy. By definition, pseudo rapper Flavor Flave embodies swag. He is the face of swag. How sexy is that? Seriously. Don't believe the hype; behind all of that bling, bejing dye, and overpriced "designer" jeans is an insecurity and an unhappiness that you will never chisel through no matter how perfect they are for you. If you can look past the absence of our Mohawk, neck tats and accept that there is no cascade of chains hanging from our jeans and have a conversation.. you may find out your rules have kept you from happiness.

Close your bibles and stand to your feet.. (church is all I know, lol)

..::Listening to You Ain't Gotta Lie ta Kick It by Ice Cube::..